A LETTER TO MY FIRST BORN AT HER BIRTH

A LETTER TO MY FIRST BORN AT HER BIRTH

To my darling Billie, 

Welcome to the world beautiful girl. Wow! Where do I start?? I can’t beleive your finally here. You are absoloutely perfect. 

Today has been a whirl wind of emotions. This morning I woke up as Tayla Paterson. Tonight I am falling asleep as Tayla Paterson, a mum to the most beautiful baby girl. I really just can’t beleive it. I was absolutely terrified this morning, scared of having you but also terrified of you needing me. Am I going to be a good mum? What if you dont like me? What if I don’t know how to look after you? 

The morning dragged as your dad and I prepared to go to the hospital. And when we arrived I just kept saying to Dad oh my god, we are going to have a baby soon. The doctors finally took me through to the anaesthetic room where I was given the spinal. At that point your dad grabbed my hand and told me he loved me so so much. The look in his eye was scared but full of excitement. He stayed by my side the whole time. 

Baby girl I just want you to know today has been the most perfect day of my life. Bringing you into the world and sharing that with your Dad has been the most incredible experience. But sharing it with Nan, Aunty Kara, Aunty Leah, Grandma, Pop, Uncle Mitch, Aunty Taylah, Aunty Jo, uncle Bernard, Jed, Brodi and Great Grandma was just perfect. The only person missing is your Poppy, my dad. I know he is here with us always and I can’t wait for you to grow up so I can tell you all about him. Just know, you may not be able to see him, but he is always with you. He would be so incredibly proud to have you as his grand daughter. 

The first time we heard you cry is a sound I will never forget. At that exact moment your dad and I both filled with tears. It felt like forever until your dad got back from cutting your cord. I still didnt know whether you were a girl or boy. They finally brought you over to show me. When I saw you were a little girl I was so excited. I loved you no matter what but at that time all I could think was I hope you and I have the bond I have with your nan. But at the same time, I was slightly worried your dad might be disappointed he didnt have a son. And then I looked at his face and his eyes said it all, he absoloutely adored you and was absoloutely besotted with his gorgeous daughter. 

A first time mother holding her baby girl at birth with the father staring lovingly at them.
Mum and Dad soaking in their beautiful baby girl.

I have so many emotions swirling around in my head as you lay in my arms. I look at you and just want to hide you away from the world and stay in this newborn bubble forever. But I can’t wait to see you grow up into whatever and whoever you may be. When I was carrying you in my belly I knew I loved you. But I can not beleive how much I truly love you now. The feeling is so overwhelming, as if my whole life was made to be your mum. I’m terrified. Terrified of how much I love you. Terrified of letting you down. Terrified of not being enough for you. I am terrified of all the mistakes I know I will make as I navigate life as a mum. But I am so excited that my life is now centred around you. I promise to fiercely love and protect you every day for the rest of my life. I promise to laugh with you, cry with you, share the good times and the bad. I am so excited to have a new best friend and I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us as a family. Whatever you face in the future, just know your Dad and I will always be there to support you. Be brave, be fierce, be gentle and kind, but always be true to yourself. I love you so much.

Love always, 
Mummy xoxoxo

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