This is not how I imagined my life to be 5 years ago!

This is not how I imagined my life to be 5 years ago!

I thought I would start by going back to the beginning of my current life, to give you an insight to who I am and how my life got to where I am now. I guess you could say my life had a massive turn almost 5 years ago but more about that soon. Now, get a coffee or a wine and a box of tissues. Buckle in because this is going to be a long one.

Lets flash back to 2014. I was a young, carefree 20 year old who lived at home with my parents and younger sister. I had been with my boyfriend for two years, had a great group of friends and practically had a perfect life. I’m not saying that to rub it in how lucky I was. I’m saying that because it’s true. I had two parents who loved me and had a once in a lifetime love like you see in the movies. You know, been together since high school and still madly in love. My two sisters and I were incredibly close. Sure, we fought like any other family however I was lucky enough that my sisters and my family as a whole was a very tight unit who did a lot together. I lived on property with my own horses, competing nearly every weekend, travelling the state and sometimes interstate doing the sport I loved most. I had a boyfriend who I thought I so deeply loved, one who I thought loved me. Life was great. And I was naive.

Then one day I woke up and everything changed. It was the long weekend, and I usually would go away but we had a bit happening at home. I started the morning with a major fight with my then boyfriend (I say then boyfriend because we are no longer together… thank goodness). I went home, kissed my parents hello, hopped into bed to sleep off the migraine I had developed from crying. When I woke everything would be different. Flying past the details, later that afternoon I found my Dad had been killed in an accident on our farm. Yes, I actually found him. In that moment my whole world changed and set forth my now current life.

I deferred uni to part time and went to work full time to help support myself and my family in whatever way I could. My relationship ended as I split up with my now ex boyfriend after he told me two months post accident that I had to move on and stop being upset about my Dad being dead (I know right, what an A$$!). I had dreamed of sharing a life with this man, of having kids and becoming a mother but it was all cut short and I felt like I would never get to live that life.

We sold my horses and I got out of riding after 17 years in the saddle. I fell into a spiral of post traumatic stress, not able to fall asleep without reliving the day of the accident, partying too much on weekends and just going through the motions of each day putting one foot in front of the other. I was lucky, I never fell completely off the rails, I never did drugs and other than a few big nights out with the girls I never hit the alcohol too hard. But emotionally and mentally I was shattered.

Until I moved to Geelong. I decided not to put off uni anymore and moved to Geelong to pursue my career. Within two days, the decision was made. I found a house and a new job was sorted. Everything literally fell into place within a matter of days so I figured it was meant to be.

Fast forward two months, I had purchased a new ute, a new horse and was living independently in Geelong. I had everything I could have asked for as a 21 year old, except my Dad who truly was the centre of my world. I was still so emotionally wrecked, drained, bitter and angry. How dare my perfect life be ripped from it’s centre? How dare I had to be living this nightmare of seeing my mum and my sisters be honestly heart broken whilst living with so much guilt regarding my dad’s accident? Why? Why me? Why now? Why Dad?

I was as happy as I thought I would ever be again. I didn’t want to fall in love. In fact I was comfortable loving myself knowing I wouldn’t break my own heart. And then one night, after a few wines with the housemates I joined tinder to meet some people in the area (I know TINDER! I’m sure everyone is thinking oh what a skank, she only wanted one thing but just so you know, I never ever used it for that!). My first night on Tinder, my room mates and I were comparing pick up lines people were using on us and then one guy simply asked me how my day was. Two days later we were on our first date at a pub and we both never looked back. I now know what love really is.

I can go into more detail about the family trauma or my love story. But maybe I will leave that for another day. I guess the point of this blog is because at a time my life was falling apart, it was actually coming together. If 5 years ago, even before or after my dad’s accident, had of told me that I would have packed my life into a box twice now, move to completely new areas, meet the man of my dreams, and have kids I would have told them they were dreaming. Sure I wanted kids with the guy who was my partner then. I thought I did anyway. I had it all planned in my head. But when that all went belly up I figured this life just wasn’t for me. Man was I wrong! Turns out I wanted it more with the man I am with today. Although I didn’t imagine my life like this, I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

Despite my greatest attempt to remain alone, the world brought me my now current partner of three years, one daughter, a baby on the way and a life I couldn’t have dreamed of. Sure Brent and I had only been dating 18 months when I fell pregnant which was definitely unplanned. But I guess the world showed me what I needed, when I needed it. I needed him and our life together. My life completely changed and set me on the path to motherhood, the one job or part of my life I feel like was always meant to happen with the man of my dreams by my side.

So if your having a hard time, whether its with your family or relationships, money problems or friendship troubles, just know that even from the bottom of what feels like hell, life can turn around. It will turn around. And I really do believe, everyone gets where they are supposed to be with who they are supposed to be with doing what they are supposed to do.

Love always, Tayla XX

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